by Nancy Eckerson
We all would like to be remembered. Each of us wants to know that our life made a difference and that we will never be forgotten. Every one of us has gained valuable information, learned many lessons and hopefully found keys to thriving here on Earth. These insights can be shared in an ethical will – a composition designed to convey the essence of our personality.
An ethical will is a non-legal document used to share our values, beliefs and hopes for the future. “An Ethical Will bequeaths the values you cherish: knowing who you are; the importance of family; believing that anything is within your grasp; the importance of education and hard work; humor; taking time to enjoy life; and ‘the beauty part of it,’” says Barry K. Baines, author of Ethical Wills: Putting your values on paper.
An ethical will, a tangible link to our immortality, is an heirloom that expresses the uniqueness of each individual. Passed on from generation to generation, an ethical will gives our descendents a real sense of who we were, as well as where they come from.
The passing on of our beliefs is an ancient tradition. Over 3,000 years ago the Bible generously documented this custom. From Jacob’s deathbed proclamations to his twelve sons in Genesis to Moses’ farewell to the children of Israel in Deuteronomy, we witness early ethical wills. There is evidence of the ethical will tradition in the legends of many cultures. Most of the rich history of the Native Americans has been passed from generation to generation in the form of oral ethical wills.
I was born a decade after my Grandma Peg had passed on. I never had the honor of becoming acquainted with my father’s mother. As I grew, many people commented on how much I reminded them of her. We each spoke quickly, had a bawdy sense of humor and loved music. After my mom had passed away, while sorting through a box of her papers, I happened upon a handwritten letter.
“Dear Daughter, I wanted to try it and see how it sounded.”
I could hardly contain my excitement. This was the start of the first handwritten letter to my own mother, the blushing new bride, from my Grandma Peg.
I was awe-filled, holding a paper that Grandma once held. Reading her humor, line after line, I became acquainted with her in a much more intimate way. She even used smiley faces, the same symbol my dad incorporated in the letters he sent me over the years! I felt such a connection to my dear grandmother and that connection is one of the benefits of writing an ethical will. I do recommend that each person include one handwritten page with their Ethical Will, to acquaint generations to come with your actual script.
“The contents of ethical wills can be variable. In general, they usually address personal values and life principles, hope for future generations, asking forgiveness and forgiving others, and even burial instructions,” says Baines.
The benefits of writing an ethical will are endless. The process can offer you a feeling of direction for your life or a sense of completion. It is an excellent vehicle to elaborate on your final wishes. Not only do you leave behind a priceless document, but during the process of examining your life, you may well renew some of your old forgotten dreams, or even discover new hopes. Your ethical will could be the start of a new path for your life.
As I wrote my own ethical will, I discovered my priorities and was able to clearly envision the direction of my life.
Any time is the right time to write your ethical will, but there are landmarks in your life that will lend themselves to introspection, and therefore, be perfect occasions for writing or revising your ethical will. Several of these include: marriage, birth of a child or grandchild, the empty nest era, career changes, retirement, divorce, terminal illness or at the closing of a long life.
There are many ways to get started developing your ethical will from beginning with a blank sheet of paper to following an outline or using a workbook. Excellent resources are available to aid you in the process. In addition to a multitude of books on the subject, for the not-so-comfortable writer, there are seminars, workshops, and Web sites such as Barry K. Baines’ www.ethicalwill.com. Also, there are ethical will consultants who will work with you to develop an ethical will that reflects your personality and dreams.
Recently, while presenting a seminar for the residents of an assisted living community, I spoke about how the writing of an ethical will may rekindle the memory of a lost dream. I asked the audience to try to remember a dream from long ago.
“I have a dream,” shyly responded a beautiful woman name Maria. By the gleam in her eye, she appeared to have a delicious secret to tell. “I hope to someday visit Argentina to see where my dear mother was born.” At 91 years of age, Maria was once again aglow with life’s possibilities.
When deciding if an ethical will is for you, bear in mind, we are all put on earth for a reason, and every one of us is worthy of being remembered. You may choose to share your ethical will with loved ones now, while you are still living. Or you may prefer to attach it to your legal will, to be read after you are gone. Either way, you will leave behind a priceless treasure.
“There are stars whose radiance is visible on earth, even though they have long been extinct…” -Hannah Senesh
Getting Started
Here is a sample outline for the development of an Ethical Will. Simply use these suggestions for inspiration and start to write your own Ethical Will.
• Opening thoughts.
• Values and beliefs.
• Lessons and reflections about life.
• Your spiritual beliefs.
• Hopes for the future.
• Love.
• Forgiveness.
• Requests.
• Closing thoughts.
